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May

Hot off the Whacker News Wire…

By richard 0 Comments

Categories: Whacker Alert! and Whackometer

(Story comes to Hamsexy from WBNS 10TV – original story here.)

ONTARIO, Ohio � A man who investigators said was impersonating a police officer was arrested when officers caught him in the act, 10TV News reported Friday.

The most recent incident occurred about two weeks ago when Fred Heitzman, also known as known as Clyde, tried to pull a woman over.

Sophia Toney said she did not feel safe stopping, so she called police who told her to meet an actual officer at a nearby parking lot, 10TV’s Glenn McEntyre reported.

“He had a spotlight on the side of his car like police officers do,” Toney said. “When he turned on the rotating light that’s when I thought I was in trouble.”

Heitzman called the police department and asked for backup.

“This is Fred. Can you have a marked unit meet me at the foot of the bridge?” Heitzman told the dispatcher.

“What police department are you from?” the dispatcher said.

“Um, auxiliary patrol,” Heitzman answered.

“From where?” the dispatcher asked.

“Auxiliary state patrol,” Heitzman said.

“He is portraying himself as a police officer, which he is not in any shape or form,” said Ontario police officer Jason Day.

Pictures from the Ontario police department show Heitzman’s pretend police cruiser, fully equipped with lights in the front and back windshields, McEntyre reported.

Heitzman was arrested when an officer was sent to meet Toney in a parking lot. His car was impounded.

Heitzman was charged in two incidents in which police said he pulled over women for traffic violations. In both cases, police said he asked for ID, told the drivers to do better and then let them go.

“I think he believes that he’s just doing his part to keep the roadways safe,” Day said. “Leave law enforcement to the professionals.”

A search of the FCC database does not return any hits for any Heitzman with a first or middle initial of F or Clyde in Ohio, so (thankfully) this tool’s not a hamster.

But seriously – calling police over the air? I honestly laughed out loud.

See all the fantastic pictures here.

Edit: There’s a great live video of this story here.

Officer Dick clear.

Jan

More Skywarn Lameness….

By Dr. Whacker 11 Comments

Categories: Skywarn, Skywarn Online Gold and Whacker Alert!

Because you asked for it, here are more Skywarn douche chills, brought to you by the fine folks at the Skywarn Online message forums.

Here’s a video by a weather whacker who is in serious denial. First of all, he claims that his car isn’t supposed to to look like an emergency vehicle, yet he has pointless emergency lighting displayed prominently in what he determines to be an “ideal flash pattern.” Flash pattern for what…. letting the Wall Clouds know you’re coming and to make way?

Look…. Storm Chasers are no different than any other breed of whacker out there, and here’s why: civilians, especially those with such pointless hobbies as “storm chasing”, have no more rights on the road than anyone else. If you feel the need to pull over to take photos of a funnel cloud, then put your four-ways on. The *only* purpose emergency lights serve on ‘storm chaser’ cars is the ‘hey, look at me’ factor… the same reason they plaster their car with “STORM SPOTTER” decals, license plates, etc. But hey, don’t take my word for it. Here’s a lemon wearing a condom to explain it further:

Here’s another stormchaser truck, this time with a huge ugly lightbar.

All that’s missing the rainbow flag, and it’s ready for the pride parade.

Here’s another video from Youtube, complete with some pretty dangerously mounted equipment.

This setup is proof that these weather nerds have never been anywhere near a real storm. Look at where those CB radios are mounted, with what appears to be a single screw on each side of a flimsy bracket mount. Any sort of good sized jolt will send those fuckers into someone’s skull. And what’s with the “SEVERE STORM COMMUNICATIONS” logo on the window… severe douche chills indeed.

The owner of the above truck is part of a couple of buddies who call themselves… get ready for this… SWAT… “Severe Weather Alert Team”. Isn’t that precious? I bet they wear matching uniforms, too. For info, here’s their Myspace page.

If you’ve got more info in these or any other Whacker stories, email us!

Jan

More whackerism

By Dr. Whacker 2 Comments

Categories: Hamsexy Sadness...., Whacker Alert! and Whackometer

… who says you have to be a Ham to be a whacker? Not us!

There are lots of examples of whackers existing without a smelly ham in sight. All one has to do is visit any REACT or weather spotter’s webpage to see them in action.

A reader of the site sent us this gem, the website of the Sundance Citizens Patrol, serving the fine citizenry near Sacramento.

Like most whacker groups, they have a very inflated sense of their worth… according to their website, their goal is to franchise their concept to branch teams across America. This is Whacker Warning Sign number one: make themselves out to be greater than they are.

Their goals, according to their website:

Sundance Citizens Patrol and Emergency Services is dedicated to the growth of our�team and it is our goal to be able to provide our services through branch offices throughout the United States. We plan to be associated with the Office of Emergency Services, American Red Cross and Homeland Security. We are currently in the process of providing all of our members with Sundance S.E.R.T. training.

I think he meant to say “C.E.R.T. Training”

Whacker sign number two is assigning their members ranks. Headed by a chief� (who has his own Myspace page, btw), he is joined by a mismash of Officers, Captains, Commanders, etc. He also is thoughtful enough to include his recruits on the Officers Page, but keeps their swelled ranks from us by declaring this information “classified”.

Whacker sign number three is outfitting vehicles as ‘response’ vehicles. The only photos of such vehicles belongs to the good chief himself, an older-model Jeep Cherokee. While it doesn’t have the plethora of decals and other pseudo-police markings that is a hallmark of whackermobiles, it does fulfill sign number three by having a copious amount of emergency lighting. Another tick in the checkbox of whack is the fact he calls the jeep his “Traffic Control Response Vehicle.”

There’s a video on Youtube of the Jeep in all its amber glory. In fact, it reminds us of the COVERT/V.E.T.S. Hamsexy Venture Van featured on this very website about five years ago. We aren’t claiming that the good chief uses tie wraps to secure his lights, but who knows.

As for what this group uses for radio communication, they are surprisingly quiet. Usually an enormous interest in radios is a common thread in whacker groups, but here its significantly absent. There is but a single antenna on the green Cherokee of whack, and it appears to be CB whip.

So, let’s break it down on the Hamsexy patented Whackometer:

For their goals of franchising their original idea, they get the full score of four peppers. For Assigned Ranks, they only get two because their self appointed ranks aren’t nearly as elaborate or unnecessary as we’ve seen. As well, the leader of the group calls himself “chief”, and not “Supreme Commander” or something. They only have one Whackmobile (that we know about) instead of a fleet of vehicles with UNIT 802 on them or something, so again they only get two peppers. The Lights and Sirens category sees three hot peppers, because of the garish display on the youtube video. They would have gotten the full four points, but they didn’t prove they had a siren (or maybe the gay music in the video *was* the vehicle’s speaker, who knows). For Radio Obsession they only get half a pepper, because of the CB antenna. So, all in all, the Sundance Citizens Patrol gets 11.5 out of a possible score of 20. Not too shabby.If you know of a local REACT/ARES/WeatherWhacker/Citizens Patrol group that deserves to be put under the Hamsexy microscope, drop us a line at hamsexy.submissions@gmail.com.

Jan

Skywarn Sexiness

By Dr. Whacker 3 Comments

Categories: Hamsexy WTF????, Skywarn, Vehicular Reviews and Whacker Alert!

If there’s one thing we can’t get enough of on Hamsexy, it’s ‘chase vehicles’.

Skywarn is a great example of an organization full of people with weird, wild and wonderful ‘storm chaser’ rigs … a few rudimentary classes on what a wall cloud looks like and graduates are suddenly storm chasing experts, flush with a newfound entitlement to pollute the family minivan with lights, antennae and a laptop running a pirated version of GRLevel3 to magically turn it into a ‘chase vehicle’. Most have no real idea of the dangers of speeding headlong into a storm …. they are more interested in having flashing lights, decals and radios in their car than really doing much good. Anyone who doubts us can tune into any Skywarn net during any of the 300 thunderstorms that happen in summers across North America….only if you are interested in hearing reports of ‘rain’ a hundred times an hour.

A good source of Hamsexy gold can be found in this thread, where storm chasers of all stripes masturbate to eachothers ‘chase’ vehciles, marvelling at all of the flashing lights they have.

The whole Skywarn mindset is summed up by a few messages in the thread, including this one by user “Chipper:”

The vehicles themselves range from pretty mundane to Hamsexy gold (even though some aren’t even hams…. I guess they think that studying for the test would take away from valuable ‘chase’ time).

While most are pickup trucks, SUVs or even minivans, some are forced to make do with whatever they have at hand. Here’s a great family truckster pimped out to be one hell of a sweet chase vehicle from Illinois….

[Image removed as per Hamsexy's Polite Request Policy]
Take note of he non-committal of the magnetic storm spotter decals… You know, just to advertise to everybody that he’s on the case without actually committing to it (most likely so his insurance company won’t find out that he’s using his car to ‘punch the core’. The luggage-rack mounted lightbar is also a nice touch… I’d like to see what happens when a strong storm wind gets a hold of that sucker.

[Image removed as per Hamsexy's Polite Request Policy]
Is this guy impressed with himself, or what?� ***OFFICIAL*** NWS Storm Spotter. Isn’t that like being an ***OFFICIAL*** Union Pacific Railfan?

[Image removed as per Hamsexy's Polite Request Policy]

His radio rack is also pretty weak. Chickenband radio, FRS with aftermarket speakermike, and a couple of out-of-date scanners. The **OFFICIAL*** NWS Storm Spotter laminate is a nice touch, too – just in case the Tornado asks for identification before it tosses your car four miles into a beanfield.

But… what happens when you don’t actually have your own chase vehicle? Do you just sit and read the Chase Vehicle thread with envy in your eyes… no way dude… fire up that pirated version of photoshop and lets start dreaming!!

Behold… the Weatherwarrior. A blue soccermom cruiser with orange velocity stripes, random junk bolted to the roofrack, pointless smiles of sheetmetal slopily riveted over the tires, a badly drawn tailgate being held open with a giant tampon, and a $3000 pornocam attached to the rear bumper. The Weather Warrior’s website is pretty funny too, but I’ll let you guys visit that site on your own. To his credit, I don’t see any lightbars or anything, but maybe Whelan’s website was down when he was searching for stuff to cut and paste onto the Weather Warrior.

Or, if you like, you can take the minimalist approach:

Orange lightbars…. three orange ocotpus suckers… And the same three-light element from the lightbar photoshopped on various places around the front of the truck. If only the emergency lighting equipment that he wants to attach to his truck actually existed, he’d have one sweet looking ride.

Lights, lights, lights. As long as the good Lord continues to smite our Earth with severe weather, there will always be storm nerds willing to toss some lights on their mom’s car to go chasing after it. Here’s a pretty cool photo of a storm chase vehicle posing in front of a sight few of us would ever be privileged to see: the birth of a tornado. The majesty of nature’s might and fierce indifference nature holds towards us has absolutley no meaning to those who choose to see what they want to see in the world:

Mar

It’s That Time of Year for The Weather Whackers to Show-up

By ka8ypy 6 Comments

Categories: Whacker Alert!

Several members have sent us links to video of prospective weather spotters gone whacker. Below, we present the links, you decide for yourself, whacker or not?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pLAKIJ-aKI�(Removed?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLV028LwY-E

Edit�by KD8CPP: Edited the first link to work, at least for my computer also, and made both clickable.

�

It also looks like the first video has been removed. If anyone has a copy of it, PM me on the forums or email the submissions email, and I’m sure someone can get it posted.

Oct

British RAYNET Whacker

By k2jlx 0 Comments

Categories: Hamsexyness!, Vehicular Reviews and Whacker Alert!

From M3ECM
Spied recently at a RAYNET (British “ARES”) event was this whacker
mobile. Sporting a very hamsexy “RAYNET” board bolted to the roof rack,
complete with the
ultra-bright-no-whacker-should leave-the-house-without-one orange rotating beacon.

Not content with one antenna, he has a total of four:
Dual band 144/433MHz colinear (magmount)
Loaded HF vertical (bolted to roof rack)
70MHz quarter wave whip (magmount)
last and almost certainly least, an on-glass scanner antenna. Make your own mind up, but this guy is a total whack-job – ex british police and also was a member of St. John Ambulance….

Also spotted was this Rover with a “State of Georgia” plate on the front.

Clicky to biggie

Sep

New Disturbing Whacker

By Clyde McPhail 17 Comments

Categories: Hamsexy Danger!, Hamsexy Sadness...., Hamsexy WTF????, Hamsexyness!, Vehicular Reviews and Whacker Alert!

Gotta love the whackers!!

This guy, YouTube username scnermn2004 (first name Keith) – who would be declared the new king of the whackers, if his videos weren’t so bone-chillingly disturbing.

A thread was posted about these videos on RR, but for some reason a moderator stepped out of nowhere and locked the thread for… well… for pretty much no reason.
Here’s his first video.

Nice move, dipshit… Getting in the way of a high speed pursuit so we can hear you say dumbshit things like “fuck yeah”, “go get ‘em boy!” and “yeeeea”.
Here’s a great video of the geek’s supersweet siren box install – in his glove compartment.

It goes beyond interfering with police chases.

Here’s a video of his very nerdy, VERY illegal ‘patrol’ vehicle – at least he had the sense to shoot it in a parking garage and not out in public – probably too afraid of the homeboys icing him for being a cop wannabe, or just embarassed.

And now, he’re the icing on this cake…. what do you do when you’ve got your car decked out with illegal lighting? Why, you weave around in traffic at night with your lights on! (complete with whacker music).
So, are these guys real cops? Of course not! Some Hamsexy members tried to send them messages through YouTube (on the videos that haven’t had comments blocked). Skiatook911, who is a police dispatcher, was met with this message from him:

Thanks for the comments, wow i give you high praise for being a 911 dispatcher, I’m closer than you think to becoming a peace officer, so whacker will no longer be directed towards me, but thanks for the comment anyway, idiot.

We’ve brought dangerous whackers like this to justice before. According to his YouTube profile, he lives in Santa Cruz, California. We ask the many Hamsexy members and friends who are police officers, please get these guys off the road before they get hurt or hurt others. We’ve got a few police officers on this guy’s case, so we’ll see what happens when they contact their brothers in Santa Cruz.

We will keep you all updated as we find out more information.

We had some technical difficulties, so we’ve lost the comments for this thread. Please re-post them!

We also want to thank the fine men and women at officer.com for linking to us, and helping us bring this guy to justice, or at least educate him on the dangerous errors of his ways.