Good day my friends – the following is a sad example of what happens when the urge to be a whacker isn’t as strong as the desire to put in the effort to get your ham radio license.
So, in that light, we are proud to bring you the RICHWOOD FRS NETWORK of Richwood, West Virginia.
Most people, when they look at FRS radios, they think either “what a fun toy” or “it’s a handy way to communicate with friends and family at events”. But, to the sick whacktastic mind, they say “what a great way to pretend to be an emergency worker!”. A low-dynamic range 500mW public-domain license-free cheap plastic radio is no effective emergency tool. Depsite the ads that claim FRS radios have ‘multi-mile range’, effective use of the radio in real world environments (especially in a dense urban setting) totally eliminates it’s effectiveness as an emergency communications tool. Not only that, in a widescale emergency, relying on FRS as an emergency tool would become entirely pointless, as regular ‘net protocol’ would go totally out the window if more than one person decides to call for help on the same channel. “Other traffic on this frequency, please go ahead. I’m sure my crushed leg isn’t nearly as serious as your problem. I’ll wait”.
Keep in mind that these aren’t trained emergency personell behind Richwood FRS Network, they are regular, untrained citizens who think they have a good plan.
For more comedic gold, here’s their weekly net format script:
This is the Richwood Area FRS Emergency Network, broadcasting on Channel (1) in the FM mode on 462.5625 Mhz.
It is requested that all personnel refrain from using this frequency until after the Network has concluded at approximately 9:15 PM.
My name is _____________________ and I am referred to as Net Control.
Until further notice, this Net will meet every Monday evening at 2100 (9:00 p.m.) Eastern Standard Time. The sole purpose of the Net is to establish a list of dependable radio volunteers who may be called upon during an emergency to provide alternate communications for their neighborhood.
During an emergency situation, this net may also be used to pass important information to Richwood area residents which could include road closures, where to find emergency shelter and other information.
This net will never use coded squelch or “quiet codes.” In the case of weak reception, operators are encouraged to listen with their radios with the squelch function turned off. Also, all radios should be set so that a tone will sound when the person transmitting has released their push to talk button.
The Monday evening net will always open with a formal portion with stations reporting in. After the formal portion closes then those who wish to stay may join in for an informal session or “ragchew.”
All radio operators are asked to use proper radio procedures and refrain from using profanity or any other language that would be offensive in nature.
I will now open the formal portion of the net:
This is Net Control for the Richwood Area FRS Emergency Network
All stations will please check in ONE AT A TIME, Alphabetically, using the first letter of their last name. For any latecomers joining the net already in progress, there will be an opportunity at the end of the stations reporting in alphabetically. An example of how to check in is: “Net Control – this is John Smith over.”
At this time, will anyone with the last name starting with A please check in.
Periodically say: Are there any latecomers who would like to check in at this time, please try to do so in alphabetical order.
If there are no more check-ins, then this concludes the formal portion of the Richwood Area FRS Emergency Network. Anyone wishing to stay may join in for an informal session or
“ragchew” at this time.
Hilarious – “Under the authority bestowed upon FRS by myself, I hereby ban all communications from Channel 1 (the most used and popular FRS channel) for our pathetic little net. All those within the 500 feet effective range of my voice who violate my authority will be scolded”.
I mean, with the pathetically limited range of FRS, how does this net take place? I envision four or five cars parked in a parking lot, surrounding a beat up old Grand Prix with a magnetic “RICHWOOD FRS PATROL” sign desperatley clinging to the rusty metal door.
“Hey, 203-Baker, turn off your headlights, I can’t see the display on my Cobra FRS”…..