We at Hamsexy try to be helpful when we can, and try to accommodate requests when we can. Below is an e-mail we received from an individual that would like feedback on a project.
Hello,
I wanted to get in contact with other amateur operators on options of this amateur radio emergency service vehicle we are setting up for our city. What do you think? Is it appropriate? We don’t want to over do anything, we have only 1 2M/440 radio, 1 CB, 1 Scanner inside keeping it to a minimum, its built onto a 2000 Crown Victoria because of the cost and what equipment came with the vehicle already.
Thanks for your time.
Jacob Kukuk
Meta Foot
So feel free to comment and provide all the feedback you like to Jacob.
I’ll be right back, I need to get a bowl of popcorn.
While I think the concept drawing is nice…leave the amber whacker lights off of it, keep the traffic cones in the garage.
’nuff said.
Some suggestions:
1. Don’t buy a cop car.
2. Don’t put cop stripes on it.
3. Don’t contact HamSexy for “pimp my ride” suggestions.
This is the sort of crap that gives us a bad name. Makes us look like overzealous nut cases. The car look like a cop car, but we have zero authority. We never have any authority. Why do you want to look like you do?
But if it said “ARES – We Have Zero Authority” they would look like tools. I agree with ditching the “whacker” cop lights….It would be better if it were a van or a station wagon, something that doesn’t look like it is attached to any police force, and has lettering stating that it is a ham radio organization. Just don’t festoon the thing with 15 magmount antennas and it might work.
Not sure what “metafoot” has to do with police equipment?
http://www.policeone.com/police-products/vehicle-equipment/manufacturers/
Meta Foot Corp
1630 228th st se
bothell, Washington 98021
Phone: 4254207621
Fax: no
Email: jacob.kukuk@metafoot.com
Web: http://metafoot.com
Actually, this post is instructive because we get to see a whackermobile in its embryonic stages.
Seriously, the best way to get involved with ARES/RACES is to have _ONE_ mobile crossband FM rig in the car with a discreet antenna outside. Don’t get ham plates as that’s an invitation for theft. You’ll be much more helpful with your “stealth car” sans lights and porcupine antennas. Also, you’ll gain a lot more respect from older hams that really look down on whackers. Just a tip from someone who’s been in this hobby for many years and many more to come.
Mad Ham Disease (watch for those prions in the sandwich!)
Oh good Lord…. Didnt this guy read the archives of this site??!
Does it come with a handicap parking permit?
What the fuck…. Has this asshole taken leave of his senses?
Turn in your ham ticket and HTs right away. Yes, you’ve been deemed too fucking retarded even for Ham Radio.
Thanks for the feedback, not sure what to take from most of the comments but most have been useful. In terms of making a positive impression this project is being done with profesionalism in mind, as in keeping the vehicle clean, no flashy lights, and everything to a minimum. As for meta foot, we create software.
Umm…seriously?! You’re not sure what to make of the comments? I’ll spell it out for you. ARES is a FUCKING JOKE. They have zero authority. All they do around here is get in the way of the professionals. They self-deploy, set up their little tent and chairs, and get in the way. You’re putting the ARRL logo on the ass end of the car? I hope those freeloading bastards are paying for the rolling billboard that you’re creating for them. Ham radio isn’t gonna save the world dude. It’s fine to help out with stuff like races, marathons, and shit like that, but leave the emergency comms to the professionals. The ham ticket gives no authority. The general public does not respect ARES, and a large number of hams respect ARES even less than the general public. Have a little self respect and don’t do the whacker ride. Your fellow hams will thank you for it.
Oh yeah….by the way, the local head whacker around here had a setup like that. Crown vic that said “AMATEUR RADIO EMERGENCY SERVICE” in 6″ reflective lettering. Surprisingly, the ARRL booted him out because he was too whacktastic. Lettering is expensive. Save your money and but a second radio or something.
Sorry, I made that statement in terms of language, it wasn’t relevant to the topic. Last I checked being a ARRL remember was not a requirement. In terms of having authority that is something I understand completely that I “don’t” need, it is of course volunteer, I’d rather be paid to perform that function, they have training in there job I’ll let them do it, I didn’t mention anything about my need of having authority. For being booted out of arrl, on the site they have trailers owned privately with those exact words, they cannot be owned by the city because as we all know that is not allowed, so most have equipment donated to there own non-profit and the city gets the tax return off it, so there is a civil communications segment like the civil air patrol. Thanks for your feedback
If you’re having any doubts, I for one think that you should do it. Be sure to go heavy on the strobes, lightbars, and wig-wags.
Once you’ve done that, come back here with photos and video of the finished product and await commentary. This should, for once and for all, remove any doubt from your mind as to where people stand on the idea.
Or you could save yourself the trouble and just not do it in the first place. Your call.
I never said anything about lightbars, unsure were you are getting that from. Ares doesn’t need lights.
*facepalm*
Will you be including photos of your SWAT-style uniforms?
Wow, and I was worried that this one wouldn’t get going!
Yea, I work for an EMA, I don’t have flashing lights, or decals, or even a rig in my car. We see these jokers coming into the parking lot and turn them right around to go hunt for snipe or pick up some turn signal fluid!
HAHA! EMA FTW!
Here’s inside industry advice, come after we call you in your unmarked POV. Drive the speed limit and please, take a shower before you come. Don’t refer to each other by self assigned “ranks” and don’t, FOR GOD SAKES, don’t wear a badge, a yellow whacker jacket with anything written on it, BDUs, star trek uniforms, etc… Just dress like there will be girls there to make fun of you. (like they did in junior high) If you can’t carry it inside in one trip, you don’t need it. An HT and a good repeater are your best friend.
ARES/RACES aren’t all bad and volunteers in every area of expertise are good, but please, leave the whacker fantasies for the WoW gatherings.
Good advice
This seems like another typical whacker in full whackiness.
If you want to help with ARES, that’s fine but you don’t need a Crown Vic for that. You can use your own vehicle and go to the event as you are. No badges, vests, cones, or strobe lights needed!
If you know you have no authority, then why bother with all this? Grab ONE HT, get in your car sans the mag mounts, and go to the event. Help and follow THEIR rules.
Simple enough?
Lightbars, man, lightbars, a whackermobile just don’t look right without lightbars.
But seriously folks, only advantage of a CrownVic is they have column shifter providing easy to mount radios in center. However, I find my smaller Acura easy to park (and many event locations have crowded parking.
Important resources to pack are batteries and lotsa antenna connector adapters (N-conn to P259, F-conn to BNC, BNC to sma, etc.) Ya just never know what the heck kind of antenna arrangement in a EOC, and there is always someone in desperate need to match some radio to an odd female type cable mount connector.
We all make fun of ARES/RACES groups but I wonder if we have many people getting into ham radio this because they are simply following the money stream of funds provided by DHS to local govts.
befor this guy gets a car he needs the steel hard hat with the antenna mounted on the top!
You know, this brings up a good question: how long until we start seeing Dodge Chargers as whackermobiles? I figure the first ones that were in police service have to be getting on for around 5 years old sometime this year, which means they should start showing up at cop auctions fairly soon – and for any vehicle to be the ne plus ultra of whackermobiles, it *has* to be ex-cop.
I for one am looking forward to this new generation of whacker. It’ll make for a nice change from what we’ve become accustomed to – and given just the more-aggressive looks of the Charger in comparison to the Crown Vic, a hell of a lot more entertainment as Hams Go Badass on their cars.
Not all Hams act this way. Not even all ARES members act this way. Our ARES group has no special vehicles, special lights, etc. Nor do we self-deploy and get in Law Enforcement’s or EMS’s way. That’s how lives are endangered. We show up when called – and for Communications support – nothing more.
Whackers like this piss me off because it makes all Hams look like a bunch of fucking douchebag wannabees.
Get rid of the fucking Crown Vic. If you want to get into Law Enforcement or have some sort of Authority on the scene of an incident, GET A CRIMINAL JUSTICE DEGREE AND GO TO ACADEMY – dipshit.
I think you would be better served becoming a trained member of some form of emergency response team if you want to do on-site response. Most amateur radio work is going to be limited to perhaps 2 operators at a dispatch fielding reports from hams at static positions i.e. Skywarn, etc. I’ve seen this work at several different jurisdictions. ARES seems to work best when used in this fashion.
Showing up uninvited on site is just going to cause problems for emergency response teams, those effected by the problem, and ultimately for you.
Steve, W4HKL
Hemi whackermobiles will be great. A cop friend of mine says this about the Charger: “Zero to snowbank in under six seconds!”
At least they’ll have plenty of radios to call for help…
Jacob, “what to make” of all of these comments is: DON’T BUY/LEASE/OWN/BUILD/DRIVE THIS CAR, OR ANYTHING LIKE IT. EVER. If some agency is offering an old Crown Vic to you, thank them, then ask if you can have them auction it off and give your group the money instead. Spend it on demo equipment you can take around to local schools or use to teach licensing classes. If your group is considering buying this car, don’t. If they’ve already bought it, put it on Craigslist immediately and sell it. If it belongs to an individual member who’s offering to “convert” it into a ham-mobile, thank them, then ask them to please, please, never, ever paint ARES or ARRL or any other distinctive markings on it. If they do it anyway, kick them out of the club.
There are some useful public services hams can offer, including a few very limited roles in emergencies, but driving around in cop cars will do nothing but harm the hobby’s already-battered reputation.
“Its built onto a 2000 Crown Victoria because of the cost and what equipment came with the vehicle already.”
Let’s be honest here: you’re building it into a 2000 Crown Victoria because it will look like an official (police) vehicle. If that car has anything else to offer that you wouldn’t get from another, it’s really coming as a fringe benefit.
If you try to project the appearance of being municipal / regional officials, you will either bring confusion to situations that are already fraught with enough complications, or you will be perceived as laughable wannabes. People are more likely to take you seriously if you *don’t* try to look like something that you aren’t.
You can look organized and like a part of an organization without trying to look like an arm of the government. Look to the vehicles used by TV & radio stations, or even delivery / courier services for design examples. Don’t wear police or militaristic uniforms – get some tasteful jackets printed up and wear them over casual clothes, and let that be your uniform.
ARES does not require an official vehicle. I would think there is too much cost involved from licensing to maintenance to insurance. Please reconsider outfitting a ten-year-old squad car.
A better choice is a small, simple, plain trailer to keep radios and other gear necessary for when “all else fails” and your ARES group is invited by the authorities to help provide emergency communications.
If you want to make an impression at a public event like a marathon or bicycle race, consider getting an easy-up tent, a small table, a few chairs and some banners. A simple setup like that would be more inviting to the general public if you’re looking to recruit new amateur radio operators and volunteers.
Wow
I have some friends who drive crown vics, but most of them are on the VFD, and have the proper permits for lights and whatnot, or just have an antenna.
I noticed the guy wanting advice hasnt been back. Maybe he realized that we dont care for whackers too much.
I am a member of an ARES group. We dont self deploy, we dont have ranks, and we have a trailer dontated by the health department. You can fit a lot more in a trailer than you can in a crown vic, and you wont draw the bad attention to ARES.
Man that is a totally wacktastic car. If your going to do it right it should have an old 80′s era lightbar, wigwags, hideaways, a full rear window of lighting, a spot light, computer mount, 15-25 mag mounts, 3-5 15 foot tall HF antennas, a PA system, and an air horn. Better all wear BDU’s with inch thick belts, yellow jackets, and carry badges. All hams should also carry 3 HTS at the minimum, all blarring cop traffic. O and dont forget the most important part, the obese required handicap permit.
Saw a newly outfitted wacker wagon driving past the university tonight….huge orange light bar…large 10 meter like antenna, and of course…………..HANDICAP STICKER!
I HATE ARES!!!!! I get asked all the time to join and when i decline i get the third degree like im EXPECTED to belong to ARES because im a ham!!!!
You are a whacker:
1. If you have more then just the standard AM/FM antenna on your vehicle, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
2. If you have one or more antennas on your property that are NOT intended for reception of TV signals, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
3. If you have a Custom license plate with your call sign on your vehicle, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
4. If you own a 2 way radio for the intended purpose to have conversations that you should be having on a telephone, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
5. If you attend the ham fests {AKA flea markets} displaying your call letters like its your first name, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
6. If you use a antenna on your HT longer then 7 inches, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
7. If you own a ham repeater just because you are too damn cheap to pay for a commercial license, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
8. If you use ham repeaters to rag chew to your wife or your buddies about how nice of a day it is and what you want for dinner, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
9. If you spend more money on radios then you do going on vacation, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
This vehicle is actually a good concept. You should replace the words ARES with EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS so it looks more official. Also you should equip it with 120 watt hide away strobes, a dual LED dash light and a siren from [company name removed by request of company]. Buy a Full size LED bar for the roof, and on the rear quarter panel place decals that reads ” Emergency Call 911″. A unit number on the rear bumper is a good addition as well and also on the roof so that all the public safety helicopters can call you on the ham rig for your help during storms. Have you also considered a cage for the inside of the car? This would come in handy when you self deploy in your BDU’s, initate ham radio marshall law and citizen arrest violators who will not comply with your evacuation orders. For the rear of the car you should also buy a wheelchair mount for the hams to use. They make them now a days so they almost look like bicylcle mounts. Everyone will think you have a bike patrol. Make sure to stock the trunk full of traffic cones, flares, and cases of bottled water. Traffic vests and orange mittens are also a must. This will compliment the wacker car. Make sure the cruiser has a laptop mount and a laptop mount so you can run license plates, and locate sex offenders on the public website. Don’t be alarmed if a few of your team members show up.
10. If you have a location on your property that is called “the ham shack” then YOU ARE A WHACKER!
11. If you are a member of ARES/RACES,ARRL,QST,or any ham club, then YOU ARE A WHACKER!
12. If you attend a picnic where more then 50% of the attendees are hams, then ALL of YOU ARE WHACKERS!
Lets face it, all of you are whackers in your own way. The hobby itself is very much whacker material in nature. Just because some are more extreme then others doesn’t make that person anymore a whacker then yourselves. So next time you decide to bash a fellow ham for being a whacker, make sure you include yourself as a whacker too..Because anything less would be hypocritical.
The term “Whacker” comes from the slang term “Whacked” which means = Just…not right. Meaning crazy, weird, odd, interestingly funny, etc.
And if you think about it, the ham hobby in itself, is very whacked as seen from people who are not hams such as myself. Therefore, anyone who is a ham, is a WHACKER !
Now shut up already you whackers
There is only one antenna on the car, the one it came with but there’s a splitter feeding a scanner in the dash. Why doesn’t that count?
I don’t have a ham license or a ham radio, but I’m a radio operator, graduated Ft. Gordon and everything. Why doesn’t that count?
I’m not part of any “ham” club, but I am part of the Signal Corps Regimental Association. Why doesn’t that count?
I don’t know if I’ve ever been to a picnic where more than 50% of people were “hams,”
But I’ve been to picnic’s where a lot of people say things like roger that, and whiskey tango foxtrot. Why doesn’t that count?
I don’t have a shack, but I had a radio room at work, with radios and everything. Why doesn’t that count?
I have an antenna on the outside of my house that’s for FM radio. Does fall under the “If you have one or more antennas on your property that are NOT intended for reception of TV signals, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !”
Does this mean I qualify!?!!!?!!
Best.
Whacker.
Mobile.
Ever.
OK, this guy has had his ass chewed off enough already. We all get the picture. And you’re all extremely hilarious. LOL and ROFL.
A few salient points, in case poor Jacob is still on the scene.
Signage: a definite no-no. No matter what: you do NOT advertise that you are ANYthing even remotely interesting. Especially if you are NOT a cop or a paramedic or a firee. It just makes you look like a paedophile.
ARES: sounds like ‘ares’, as in “where ares youse going?”. In British and Australian English, it sounds like arse – which is their word for “ass” (as in asshole; not the equine variety).
The “A” in ARES stands for Amateur. URGH. You wanna advertise the word “amateur” in an emergency situation? “Thank g*d the AMATEURS are here!” is not something you will ever here in an emergency situation. EVER.
It’s an ex-cop car. Holy shit. Even if it was NOT an ex-cop Crown Vic; it’s just too obvious.
As everyone else has already outlined: get a small van or a trailer and stick to marathons and the like.
If the local brushfire gets out of hand; maybe turn up with a 4×4 and an HT and monitor the situation from a safe distance and perhaps coordinate with some buddies on 2m and keep the phone handy if you feel the need to call the firemen to a particular hot-spot. Even then, you will probably be strongly advised to get the PHARQUE out of the area and let the professionals handle it.
Ham radio response teams are really only acknowledged when there are NO – and I mean “NO” – other services available. And even then, you only hear about it well after the fact. Like recently in Japan; I read that JARL had no official position in the emergency communications story. However, as it turns out, a few people had to rely on a local radio ham to get messages thru to relatives. Even embassies were inundated by traffic and were relieved by some ham action. Good on them; and it proves a point that we CAN be of use and help when the going gets tough. How about we just keep it that way: be helpful when we see the need, without the fanfare. Just do what we can, when we can. And people will be grateful for that eclectic little group of radio enthusiasts who kept the world from falling apart
Who knows – one day we may even save Facebook from certain death by means of a 2.4kbps DSTAR/DRATS link!!! LOL.
No if you’ll excuse me….one of the four 7′ white high-gain cellphone antennas that are not connected to anything on my pickup truck with the mudflaps stolen from an 18-wheeler and the bullbar taken from the same, needs polishing.
Before I started reading this site, I thought *I* was tough on these bozos…however most of you have gone so far as to actually look for things that would justify calling just about any ham a “whacker”. I’ve got news for you. I have a couple antennas on my vehicle because I use mobile radios (yes, commercial) instead of trying to transmit to a location 50 miles away in a faraday cage. Whoever thinks that any of this makes me a whacker can kiss my ass. I don’t really care much for the opinion of a morons that don’t know the difference between “here” and “hear”, “there”, their”, and “they’re”; or realize that you’re supposed to use “an” instead of “a” when referencing a noun that begins with a vowel. Seriously…instead of whacker bashing, maybe you should get your dumb ass back to grade school.
Here’s one for you:
If you don’t see the blatantly obvious grammatical errors in these sentences, YOU ARE A WHACKER!
—
4. If you own a 2 way radio for the intended purpose to have conversations that you should be having on a telephone, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
6. If you use a antenna on your HT longer then 7 inches, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
8. If you use ham repeaters to rag chew to your wife or your buddies about how nice of a day it is and what you want for dinner, then YOU ARE A WHACKER !
—
Seriously moron…if you can’t use the written word to communicate without sounding like a redneck inbred imbecile, maybe you should stick to just talking out your ass in person ONLY, and leave the expression of ideas and opinions via the written word to those of us who know how to use it without coming off as a grade school drop out.
Before you ask, no, I am not overweight. If anything, I am underweight at 6’2″ and 150 lbs. I am in my mid-30′s, and have been a ham for 6 years. I do not have (nor need or want) a handicap placard. I am a rated helicopter pilot and general aviation enthusiast. I don’t know kung-fu, but I am an IT ninja. I hold various computer and technology certifications, and I proudly consider myself a hacker (by the original definition). I learned morse code BY CHOICE. I shun anyone I run into who even so much as whispers the words “HI HI” in my presence. I will NEVER own a ham callsign hat, belt buckle, LED-scrolling name badge, or (God forbid) antenna hat-topper. I am NOT associated with ARES, however I dedicate a considerable portion of my time to assist a gubernatorial emergency management agency with emergency preparedness and communications efforts in an official, albeit unpaid, capacity. Lastly, I do not have a college degree, which is why I am really confused as to how it is that I have a better command of the English language than you….unless, perhaps, you really ARE a grade school drop out?
How you can expect ANYONE to take your disparaging remarks directed at other individuals seriously when you, yourself, come off looking like an ignorant idiot is beyond me.
Jeremy
(A “whacker”, but only by your “whacked out” definition)
Nice, but the CERT “K-9 Emergency Response Vehicle” Crown Vic, two toned AND striped, with lots of amber and white strobes that cruises the Riverside area has this beat – in spades.
Right up to the German Shepard silkscreen image on the door pillars. Gotta get a pic of that fool.
Hey Marco could you put up some pics of that??
Is there room in the trunk for his hamabout?
The car looks real nice but why a crownvic the same kind of car the cops use.I would of left the strips off an just put the ares thing on there. As for the lights two amber lights in the front an in the back would do.I like the car but you really dont want to drive around town looking like a cop…
So basically if U R a ham at all U R a whacker. coming form post “Attention whackers, look in the mirror !” what U discribe is if U do ANY HF U R a whacker. I thing U spend wayyy tooo much time “whacking” you pathetic excuse for a dick dumb ass
No, a whacker is not someone who likes radios, weather or communications equipment, so quit trying to expand the definition to include everyone else WITH you, King Whacker. Since it’s probably a fluid definition, included whacker criteria, IMHO, would be some fool who 1) believes that storm spotting is an emergency service equal to police and fire services, and therefore requires installation of self-purchased emergency lighting and siren for their auction-bought Crown Victoria; 2) a jackass who embarrasses the hobby by regularly disregarding societal norms for grooming, cleanliness, height/weight ratios and employment, but most certainly owns 3-4 fluorescent vests with ARES, EMCOMM, SPECIAL OFFICER, SECURITY OFFICER, HERMAPHRODITE, AREA 51, STAR TREK etc. on them; all while donned in BDUs, fishing vests, and helmets (for their soft heads) at some emergency scene to which they were not invited by anyone actually in charge; 3) Someone who couldn’t even get a grounds-keeping job with a PD, an FD or mall security, but wants desperately to give the public the impression that they are someone “official”, up to and including impersonation of a public servant. WHY do you need anything other than your regular vehicle to push the talk button on the radio and/or be observant to weather conditions?
I spent 27 years in (real) public safety, love weather (but not more than women), have two advanced college degrees, all of my teeth, a house with no wheels on it, have almost always had a girlfriend or wife with superior height/weight measurements, and like to tinker around with radios and OBSERVE storms. My first Skywarn training meeting scared the crap out of me and I almost left after observing the crowd and parking lot, but weather interest kept me there. I felt both embarrassed for the professional NWS personnel who must have been up there wondering, “Where did all these losers come from?” and scared for society, that these whackers had come out from under their lairs/rocks into town like zombies.
So, OP, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS NORMAL, drive a regular car/truck and fit into your community like a normal, sane individual, even it may be tough for you to do. A shower or two and some deodorant is always good to help in that regard.
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Jeremy,
On April 21 you wrote an interesting comment defending your status as a non-whacker from the people added to the tongue-in-cheek list of whacker qualifications. Good satire often has an element of truth combined with some exaggeration or misrepresentation of facts. Hamsexy frequently uses satire to make a very salient point: Some HAM fanatics take themselves much more seriously than does anyone else. I always find it amusing when someone does not get the joke and thinks they are making an intellectual argument. Pedantry can be very entertaining and there is no shortage of it in the HAM community.
I am no sage in the field of English grammar. I’m sure I made some grammatical errors in this reply that others will notice. You attempted to establish yourself as an arbiter of grammar in order to discredit some of the people who made comments before you which made almost every sentence in your diatribe beg to be ripped apart by someone more qualified than I.
This sentence is in the first paragraph: “I don’t really care much for the opinion of a morons that don’t know the difference between “here” and “hear”, “there”, their”, and “they’re”; or realize that you’re supposed to use “an” instead of “a” when referencing a noun that begins with a vowel.”
I found that sentence especially amusing because you attempted to make someone look stupid for improper usage of the indefinite articles “a” and “an”. The indefinite articles are normally used before singular nouns such as “a moron”. Using the indefinite article “a” before the plural version of moron makes you sound like a moron. The indefinite article you use can also be changed by the adjectives that come before it.
You should also brush up on proper usage of relative pronouns, quotation marks, commas, and semicolons. That might help you with that one sentence. I don’t have the time to help you out with the rest of your comment. Perhaps there are some adult education classes offered in your town that could help you in that regard. If not, you could try to find a bit of enlightenment in the following idiom: “People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.”
Whacker.